'New Year New Me' lol

I started this blog last summer as a way of channelling my thoughts and creativity. Very soon after I started, I ended up stopping because I found my life too hectic. I began my first year of my new university course, got a new puppy (who is a nightmare in herself) and apparently I blinked and suddenly it was Christmas. Blogging wasn't even on my radar and like a lot of things it became a chore. My mental health at this point had taken a bit of a nosedive, meaning I had to prioritise rest over pushing myself to do too much extra.

So yeah, I didn't have the time to sit down and dedicate my mind to writing consistent blog updates. But I'm hopefully going to change all that. My plan for the new year is balance. I want to be able to balance my time, mentality and jobs this year. To be able to prioritise certain things and enable myself the freedom to do everything without compromising my health, focus or quality of work. I'm aiming then to blog more consistently now I have a plan for how to balance my life.

Without rambling on too much longer, I am hoping write a blog post a week and not have to sacrifice uni work, puppy training or stress myself out to the point of yet another mental breakdown.

Onward and upwards. Here goes.

First blog post of 2019: lets start as we mean to go on....
I'm not normally one to make new years resolutions. Resolutions shouldn't have a timescale or be used as some judgement against yourself, they should be ways to encourage you to make improvements to ultimately be the best version or yourself and nourish your health in the process.

I have made some goals for myself this year. Things I hope to improve and change in order to be a better version of myself.

•  I already mentioned this but BALANCE. I tend to get too bogged down with everything I need to do, which ultimately means I get stressed and panic and then give up, avoid or rush whatever it is I needed to do. 

Weighing up priority, doing things in advance and essentially making sure that everything gets done with equal attention to avoid clutter in my mind. This will all be key for me to reduce stress and mellow out my emotions.

• Basically at the end of August 2018, after I got back from the States, my mood kinda took a nosedive. This just meant that I really didn't have any energy and subsequently I quit the gym. 

As someone with a history of eating disorders, this has been tricky for me to cope with. Not exercising, letting myself indulge over Christmas and basically sleeping the majority of the day. Now my resolution is that I want to go to the gym at least twice a week, keep my body going with exercise so hopefully my energy picks up and my relationship with my body improves too.

• I want to start meditating. None of that bullshit mindfulness stuff (my opinion only, it works for some people so not hating but yeah doesn't work with me). Actual meditation, moments of quiet on my own with relaxing music where I can centre myself and stop my mind racing at a hundred miles an hour. 

Yes. This will be me.

•  I need to start appreciating myself more and treating myself better all round. I am always conscious about how I treat other people, always trying to act with compassion in any given situation. The thing is though, part of having depression and anxiety is that you tend to neglect yourself. That's part of the illness, you just see yourself as less than and not worth the love. 

I want to improve my relationship with myself. Take time for me and learn that it is okay to be selfish sometimes. I know it's not going to change radically in a year, but I can take small steps towards treating myself with the love that I give other people.

Slightly less deep resolutions.....

• I want to dedicate more time to reading. Hopefully get back into the routine of a chapter a night before bed which should help me relax and sleep better.
• Try to worry less about what people think of me and not let my anxiety control where I go, what I do and how I do things. 
• I want to go on hikes. My dogs love their walks and there is something so tranquil about wandering around in the woods with your dog by your side. 

So yeah they're my resolutions. I never really stick to them as goals that I judge my progress against. I prefer to use them as reminders of how to make myself a better person and more content with myself.

I hope anyone reading this has had a lovely Christmas full of love food and family.
Enjoy the New Year and I hope 2019 is great for you all.

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